You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
