I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
