I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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