Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
