I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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