My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
