yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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