Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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