he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
