we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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