Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
