I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
sex in a hospital.. check
i think my cat just said my name.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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