Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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