You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
