don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
