PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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