This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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