maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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