She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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