Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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