i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
