dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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