your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
