yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just invented taco cereal.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
