So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
