mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
