Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
