His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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