If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
