I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
