u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
