I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
