So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found the puke drawer
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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