Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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