i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We are two peas in an std pod
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
