I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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