At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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