i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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