Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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