Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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