New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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