I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
