You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I want to fling myself into the sun
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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