I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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