The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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