whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
