Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
