I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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