i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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