This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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