Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
