so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
