The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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