I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
