Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
