look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
