can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
