Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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