I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
