i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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