I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
