you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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