i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
