you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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