I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
