I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
