Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
