i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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