2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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