but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
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I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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