so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
accomplished twins. life is a go
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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