We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
