what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize