I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
