the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
