I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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