listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
