You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
