checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
