***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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