I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
