I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
