Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
