I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
